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but it was a long shot that there was even the first！ Like a mag； she drew all things dangerous toward herself。 I could not let her out of my sight。 It would feel like part of the same motion to her as I accelerated； taking her away from her pursuers so quickly that they gaped after my car with unprehending expressions。 She would not recognize my instant of hesitation。 She would assume the plan was escape from the beginning。 I couldn t even hit him with my car。 That would frighten her。 I wanted his death so savagely that the need for it rang in my ears and clouded my sight and was a flavor on my tongue。 My muscles were coiled with the urgency； the craving； the necessity of it。 I had to kill him。 I would peel him slowly apart； piece by piece； skin from muscle； muscle from bone Except that the girl the only girl in the world was clinging to her seat with both hands； staring at me； her eyes still wide and utterly trusting。 Vengeance would have to wait。 Put on your seatbelt； I ordered。 My voice was rough with the hate and bloodlust。 Not the usual bloodlust。 I would not sully myself by taking any part of that man inside me。 She locked the seatbelt into place； jumping slightly at the sound it made。 That little sound made her jump； yet she did not flinch as I tore through the town； ignoring all traffic guides。 I could feel her eyes on me。 She seemed oddly relaxed。 It didn t make sense to me not with what she d just been through。 Are you okay？ she asked； her voice rough with stress and fear。 She wanted to know if I was okay？ I thought about her question for a fraction of a second。 to notice the hesitation。 Was I okay？ No； I realized； and my tone seethed with rage。 I took her to the same unused drive where I d spent the afternoon engaged in the poorest surveillance ever kept。 It was black now under the trees。 I was so furious that my body froze in place there； utterly motionless。 My icelocked hands ached to crush her attacker； to grind him into pieces so mangled that his body could never be identified 。 But that would entail leaving her here alone； unprotected in the dark night。 Bella？ I asked through my teeth。 Yes？ she responded huskily。 She cleared her throat。 Not long enough for her Are you all right？ That was really the most important thing； the first priority。 Retribution was secondary。 I knew that； but my body was so filled with
rage that it was hard to think。 Yes。 Her voice was still thick with fear； no doubt。 And so I could not leave her。 Even if she wasn t at constant risk for some infuriating reason some joke the universe was playing on me even if I could be sure that she would be perfectly safe in my absence； I could not leave her alone in the dark。 She must be so frightened。 Yet I was in no condition to fort her even if I knew exactly how that was to be acplished； which I did not。 Surely she could feel the brutality radiating out of me； surely that much was obvious。 I would frighten her even more if I could not calm the lust for slaughter boiling inside me。 I needed to think about something else。 Distract me； please； I pleaded。 I m sorry； what？ I barely had enough control to try to explain what I needed。 Just prattle about something unimportant until I calm down； I instructed； my jaw still locked。 Only the fact that she needed me held me inside the car。 I could hear the man s thoughts； his disappointment and anger I knew where to find him I closed my eyes； wishing that I couldn t see anyway Um She hesitated trying to make sense of my request； I imagined。 I m going to run over Tyler Crowley tomorrow before school？ She said this like it was a question。 Yes this was what I needed。 Of course Bella would e up with something unexpected。 Like it had been before； the threat of violence ing through her lips was hilarious so ical it was jarring。 If I had not been burning with the urge to kill； I would have laughed。 Why？ I barked out； to force her to speak again。 He s telling everyone that he s taking me to prom； she said； her voice filled with her tigerkitten outrage。 Either he s insane or he s still trying to make up for almost killing me last well you remember it； she inserted dryly； and he thinks prom is somehow the correct way to do this。 So I figure if I endanger his life； then we re even； and he can t keep trying to make amends。 I don t need enemies and maybe Lauren would back off if he left me alone。 I might have to total his Sentra； though； she went on； thoughtful now。 If he doesn t have a ride he can t take anyone to prom It was encouraging to see that she sometimes got things wrong。 Tyler s persistence had nothing to do with the accident。 She didn t seem to understand the appeal she held for the human boys at the high school。 Did she not see the appeal she had for me； either？ Ah； it was working。 The baffling processes of her mind were always engrossing。 was beginning to gain control of myself； to see something beyond vengeance and torture I
I heard about that； I told her。 continue。 She had stopped talking； and I needed her to You did？ she asked incredulously。 And then her voice was angrier than before。 If he s paralyzed from the neck down； he can t go to the prom either。 I wished there was someway I could ask her to continue with the threats of death and bodily harm with out sounding insane。 She couldn t have picked a better way to calm me。 And her words just sarcasm in her case； hyperbole were a reminder I dearly needed in this moment。 I sighed； and opened my eyes。 Better？ she asked timidly。 Not really。 No； I was calmer； but not better。 Because I d just realized that I could not kill the monster named Lonnie； and I still wanted that more than almost anything else in the world。 Almost。 The only thing in this moment that I wanted more than to mit a highly justifiable murder； was this girl。 And； though I couldn t have her； just the dream of having her made it impossible for me to go on a killing spree tonight no matter how defensible such a thing might be。 Bella deserved better than a killer。 I d spent seven decades trying to be something other than that anything other than a killer。 Those years of effort could never make me worthy of the girl sitting beside me。 And yet； I felt that if I returned to that life the lif