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‘well； i can tell you where he said he was going。“
mr。 lomax looked at me； eyebrows raised。
‘he said he was going to peru。“
mr。 lomax’s rounded eyes bulged； and his mouth dropped open。
‘but of course； we both know that’s ridiculous； don’t we？“ i finished。 ”he can’t possibly be in peru； can he？“
and with my most reassured； most pluckily capable smile； i closed the door behind me； leaving mr。 lomax to worry on my behalf。
the day of the funeral came and still i hadn’t had a chance to cry。 every day there had been something。 first the vicar； then villagers arriving warily at the door； wanting to know about wreaths and flowers； even mrs。 maudsley came； polite but cold； as though i were somehow tainted with hester’s crime。 “mrs。 proctor； the boy’s grandmother； has been a marvel；” i told her。 “do thank your husband for suggesting it。”
through it all i suspected that the proctor boy was keeping an eye in me； though i could never quite catch him at it。
john’s funeral wasn’t the place to cry； either。 it was the very last place。 for i was miss angelfield； and who was he？ only the gardener。 at the end of the service； while the vicar was speaking kindly； uselessly； to emmeline—would she like to attend church more frequently？ god’s love was a blessing to all his creatures—i listened to mr。 lomax and dr。 maudsley； who thought themselves out of earshot behind my back。
‘a petent girl；“ the solicitor said to the doctor。 ”i don’t think le quite realizes the gravity of the situation； you realize no one knows here the uncle is？ but when she does； i’ve no doubt she’ll cope。 i’ve it things in train to sort out the money side of things。 she was worried lout paying for the gardener’s funeral； of all things。 a kind heart to go with the wise head on her shoulders。“
‘yes；“ said the doctor weakly。
‘i was always under the impression—don’t know where it came from； mind you—that the two of them were… not quite right。 but now i’ve met them it’s plain as day that it’s only the one of them afflicted。 a mercy。 of course； you’ll have known how it was all along； being their doctor。“
the doctor murmured something i did not hear。
‘what’s that？“ the solicitor asked。 ”mist； did you say？“
there was no answer； then the solicitor asked another question。 “which one is which； though？ i never did find out when they came to see me。 what is the name of the one who is sensible？”
i turned just enough to be able to see them out of the corner of my eye。 the doctor was looking at me with the same expression he had had in his eyes during the whole service。 where was the dull…minded child he had kept in his house for several months？ the girl who could not lift a spoon to her lips or speak a word of english； let alone give instructions for a funeral and ask intelligent questions of a solicitor。 i understood the source of his bafflement。
his eyes flickered from me to emmeline； from emmeline to me。
‘i think it’s adeline。“ i saw his lips form the name； and i smiled as all his medical theories and experiments came tumbling down about his feet。
catching his eye； i raised my hand to the pair of them。 a gracious gesture of thanks to them for ing to the funeral of a man they hardly knew in order to be of service to me。 that’s what the solicitor took it for。 the doctor may have taken it rather differently。
later。 many hours later。
the funeral over； at last i could cry。
except that i couldn’t。 my tears； kept in too long； had fossilized。
they would have to stay in forever now。
？？
FOSSILIZED TEARS
。网
“excuse me…” judith began； and stopped。 she pressed her lips tight； then with an uncharacteristic flutter of the hands； “the doctor is already out on a call—he won’t be here for an hour。 please…” i belted my dressing gown and followed； judith was half running a few paces ahead。 we went up and down flights of stairs； turned into passages and corridors； arrived back on the ground floor but in a part of the house i hadn’t seen before。 finally we came to a series of rooms that i took to be miss winter’s private suite。 we paused before a closed door； and judith gave me a troubled look。 i well understood her anxiety； from behind the door there came deep； inhuman sounds； bellows of pain interrupted by jagged gasps for breath。 judith opened the final door and we went in。
i was astonished。 no wonder the noise reverberated so！ unlike the rest of the house； with its overstuffed upholstery； lavish drapes； baffled alls and tapestries； this was a spare and naked little room。 the walls were bare plaster； the floor simple boards。 a plain bookcase in the corner was stuffed with piles of yellowing paper； and in the corner stood a narrow bed with simple white covers。 at the window a calico curtain hung limply each side of the panes； letting the night in。 slumped over a plain little school desk； with her back to me； was miss winter。 gone were her fiery orange and resplendent purple。 she was dressed in a white long…sleeved chemise； and she was weeping。
a harsh； atonal scraping of air over vocal cords。 jarring wails that veered into frighteningly animal moans。 her shoulders heaved and crashed and her torso shuddered； the force traveled through her frail neck to her head； along her arms into her hands； which jolted against the desktop。 judith hurried to replace a cushion beneath miss winter’s temple； miss winter； utterly possessed by the crisis； seemed not to know we were there。
‘i’ve never seen her like this before；“ judith said； fingers pressed to her lips。 and with a rising note of panic； ”i don’t know what to do。“
miss winter’s mouth gaped and grimaced； contorted into wild； ugly shapes by the grief that was too big for it。
‘it’s all right；“ i said to judith。 it was an agony i knew。 i drew up a chair and sat down beside miss winter。
‘hush； hush； i know。“ i placed an arm across her shoulder； drew her two hands into mine。 shrouding her body with my own； i bent my ear close to her head and went on with the incantation。 ”it’s all right。 it will pass。 hush； child。 you’re not alone。“ i rocked her and soothed her and never stopped breathing the