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s and their twinness。
only when adeline went roaming alone was there space in emmeline’s heart for another。 then her sorrow was my joy。 little by little i coaxed her away from her loneliness； offering gifts of silver thread and shiny baubles； until she almost forgot she had been abandoned and gave herself over to the friendship and panionship i could offer。 by a fire we played cards； sang； talked。 together we were happy。
until adeline came back。 furious with cold and hunger； she would e raging into the house； and the instant she was there； our world of two came to an end； and i was on the outside again。
it wasn’t fair。 though adeline beat her and pulled her hair； emmeline loved her。 though adeline abandoned her； emmeline loved her。
whatever adeline did； it altered nothing； for emmeline’s love was total。 and me？ my hair was copper like adeline’s。 my eyes were green like adeline’s。 in the absence of adeline； i could fool anyone。 but i never fooled emmeline。 her heart knew the truth。
emmeline had her baby in january。
no one knew。 as she had grown bigger； so she had grown lazier； it was no hardship for her to keep to the confines of the house。 she was content to stay inside； yawning in the library； the kitchen； her bedroom。 her retreat was not noticed。 why should it have been？ the only visitor to the house was mr。 lomax； he came on regular days at regular hours。 easy as pie to have her out of the way by the time he knocked on the door。
our contact with other people was slight。 for meat and vegetables we were self…sufficient—i never learned to like killing chickens； but i learned to do it。 as for other provisions； i went to the farm in person to collect cheese and milk； and when once a week the shop sent a boy on a bicycle with our other requirements； i met him on the drive and carried the basket to the house myself。 i thought it would be a sensible precaution to have another twin seen by someone at least from time to time。 once； when adeline seemed calm enough； i gave her the coin and sent her to meet the boy on the bicycle。 “it was the other one today；” i imagined him saying； back at the shop。 “the weird one。” and i wondered what the doctor would make of it if the boy’s account reached his ears。 but it soon grew impossible to use adeline like this again。 emmeline’s pregnancy affected her twin curiously： for the first time in her life she discovered an appetite。 from being a scrawny bag of bones； she developed plump curves and full breasts。 there were times—in half…light； from certain angles—when for a moment even i could not tell them apart。 so from time to time on a wednesday morning； i would be adeline。 i would mess my hair； grime my nails； set my face into a tight； agitated mask and go down the drive to meet the boy on the bicycle。 seeing the speed of my gait as i came down the gravel drive to meet him； he would know it was the other one。 i could see his fingers curl anxiously around his handlebars。 watching me surreptitiously； he handed over the basket； then he pocketed his tip and was glad to bicycle away。 the following week； when he was met by me as myself； his smile had a touch of relief in it。
hiding the pregnancy was not difficult。 but i was troubled during those months of waiting about the birth itself。 i knew what the dangers of labor might be。 isabelle’s mother had not survived her second labor； and i could not put this thought out of my head for more than a few hours at a time。 that emmeline should suffer； that her life should be put in danger—this was unthinkable。 on the other hand； the doctor had been no friend of ours and i did not want him at the house。 he had seen isabelle and taken her away。 that could not be allowed to happen to emmeline。 he had separated emmeline and adeline。 that could not be allowed to happen to emmeline and me。 besides； how could he e without there being immediate plications？ and although he had been persuaded； though he did not understand it； that the girl in the mist had broken through the carapace of the mute rag…doll adeline who had once spent several months with him； if he were once to realize that there were three girls at angelfield house； he would immediately see the truth of the affair。 for a single visit； for the birth itself； i could lock adeline in the old nursery； and we might get away with it。 but once it was known there was a baby in the house； there would be no end of visits。 it would be impossible to keep our secret。
i was well aware of the fragility of my position。 i knew i belonged here； i knew it was my place。 i had no home but angelfield； no love but emmeline； no life but this one here； yet i was under no illusions about how tenuous my claim would seem to others。 what friends did i have？ the doctor could hardly be expected to speak up for me； and though mr。 lomax was kind to me now； once he knew i had impersonated adeline； it was inevitable that his attitude would alter。 emmeline’s affection for me and mine for her would count as nothing。
emmeline herself； ignorant and placid； let the days of her confinement pass by untroubled。 for me the time was spent in an agony of indecision。 how to keep emmeline safe？ how to keep myself safe？ every day i put off the decision to the next。 during the first months i felt sure the solution would e to me in time。 had i not resolved everything else； against the odds？ then this； too； could be arranged。 but as the time grew nearer； the problem grew more urgent and i was no nearer a decision。 i veered in the space of a minute between grabbing my coat to go to the doctor’s house； there and then； to tell him everything； and the contrary thought： that to do so was to reveal myself； and that to reveal myself could only lead to my banishment。 tomorrow； i told myself； as i replaced my coat on the hook。 i will think of something tomorrow。
but then it was too late for tomorrow。
i woke to a cry。 emmeline！
but it was not emmeline。 emmeline was huffing and panting； like a beast she snorted and sweated； her eyes bulged and she showed her teeth； but she did not cry out。 she ate her pain and it turned to strength inside her。 the cry that had woken me； and the cries that continued to resound all ar