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at stream of shadow particles was flowing more strongly； and at inparably greater speed and volume； than the tide now rising between the riverbanks。
what can you do？ said atal。
mary felt the weight of responsibility like a heavy hand between her shoulder blades； but made herself sit up lightly。
tell them stories； she said。
when supper was over； the three humans and atal sat on rugs outside marys house； under the warm stars。 they lay back； well fed and fortable in the flower…scented night； and listened to mary tell her story。
she began just before she first met lyra； telling them about the work she was doing at the dark matter research group； and the funding crisis。 how much time shed had to spend asking for money； and how little time thered been left for research！
but lyras ing had changed everything； and so quickly： within a matter of days shed left her world altogether。
〃i did as you told me；〃 she said。 〃i made a program； thats a set of instructions； to let the shadows talk to me through the puter。 they told me what to do。 they said they were angels； and； well。。。〃
〃if you were a scientist；〃 said will； 〃i dont suppose that was a good thing for them to say。 you might not have believed in angels。〃
〃ah； but i knew about them。 i used to be a nun； you see。 i thought physics could be done to the glory of god； till i saw there wasnt any god at all and that physics was more interesting anyway。 the christian
religion is a very powerful and convincing mistake； thats all。〃
〃when did you stop being a nun？〃 said lyra。
〃i remember it exactly；〃 mary said； 〃even to the time of day。 because i was good at physics； they let me keep up my university career； you see； and i finished my doctorate and i was going to teach。 it wasnt one of those orders where they shut you away from the world。 in fact； we didnt even wear the habit； we just had to dress soberly and wear a crucifix。 so i was going into university to teach and do research into particle physics。
〃and there was a conference on my subject and they asked me to e and read a paper。 the conference was in lisbon； and id never been there before； in fact； id never been out of england。 the whole business； the plane flight； the hotel； the bright sunlight； the foreign languages all around me； the well…known people who were going to speak； and the thought of my own paper and wondering whether anyone would turn up to listen and whether id be too nervous to get the words out。。。 oh； i was keyed up with excitement； i cant tell you。
〃and i was so innocent； you have to remember that。 id been such a good little girl； id gone to mass regularly； id thought i had a vocation for the spiritual life。 i wanted to serve god with all my heart。 i wanted to take my whole life and offer it up like this；〃 she said； holding up her hands together； 〃and place it in front of jesus to do as he liked with。 and i suppose i was pleased with myself。 too much。 i was holy and i was clever。 ha！ that lasted until； oh； half past nine on the evening of august the tenth； seven years ago。〃
lyra sat up and hugged her knees； listening closely。
〃it was the evening after id given my paper；〃 mary went on； 〃and it had gone well； and thered been some well…known people listening； and id dealt with the questions without making a mess of it； and altogether i was full of relief and pleasure。。。 and pride； too； no doubt。
〃anyway； some of my colleagues were going to a restaurant a little way down the coast； and they asked if id like to go。 normally id have made some excuse； but this time i thought； well； im a grown woman； ive presented a paper on an important subject and it was well received and im among good friends。。。 and it was so warm； and the talk was about all the things i was most interested in； and we were all in high spirits； so i thought id loosen up a bit。 i was discovering another side of myself； you know； one that liked the taste of wine and grilled sardines and the feeling of warm air on my skin and the beat of music in the background。 i relished it。
〃so we sat down to eat in the garden。 i was at the end of a long table under a lemon tree； and there was a sort of bower next to me with passionflowers； and my neighbor was talking to the person on the other side； and。。。 well； sitting opposite was a man id seen once or twice around the conference。 i didnt know him to speak to； he was italian； and hed done some work that people were talking about； and i thought it would be interesting to hear about it。
〃anyway。 he was only a little older than me； and he had soft black hair and beautiful olive…colored skin and dark； dark eyes。 his hair kept falling across his forehead and he kept pushing it back like that； slowly。。。〃
she showed them。 will thought she looked as if she remembered it very well。
〃he wasnt handsome；〃 she went on。 〃he wasnt a ladies man or a charmer。 if he had been； id have been shy； i wouldnt have known how to talk to him。 but he was nice and clever and funny and it was the easiest thing in the world to sit there in the lantern light under the lemon tree with the scent of the flowers and the grilled food and the wine； and talk and laugh and feel myself hoping that he thought i was pretty。 sister mary malone； flirting！ what about my vows？ what about dedicating my life to jesus and all that？
〃well； i dont know if it was the wine or my own silliness or the warm air or the lemon tree； or whatever。。。but it gradually seemed to me that id made myself believe something that wasnt true。 id made myself believe that i was fine and happy and fulfilled on my own without the love of anyone else。 being in love was like china： you knew it was there； and no doubt it was very interesting； and some people went there； but i never would。 id spend all my life without ever going to china； but it wouldnt matter； because
there was all the rest of the world to visit。
〃and then someone passed me a bit of some sweet stuff and i suddenly realized i had been to china。 so to speak。 and id forgotten it。 it was the taste of the sweet stuff that brought it back； i think it was marzipan。 sweet almond paste；〃 she explained to lyra； who was looking confused。
lyra said； 〃ah！ marchpane！〃 and sett