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Then why weren t any of you in school？ she demanded。 Her irritation confused me。 She didn t seem to realize that this question was one that related to mythology again。 Well； you asked if the sun hurt me； and it doesn t； I said。 in the sunlight； at least； not where anyone can see。 That distracted her from her mysterious annoyance。 head to one side。 But I can t go out Why？ she asked； leaning her I doubted I could e up with the appropriate analogy to explain this one。 So I just told her； I ll show you sometime。 And then I wondered if this was a promise I would end up breaking。 Would I see her again； after tonight？ Did I love her enough yet to be able to bear leaving her？ You might have called me； she said。 What an odd conclusion。 But I knew you were safe。 I She came to an abrupt stop； and looked at But I didn t know where you were。 her hands。 What？ I didn t like it； she said shyly； the skin over her cheekbones warming。 seeing you。 It makes me anxious； too。 Are you happy now？ I demanded of myself。 Not Well； here was my reward for hoping。 I was bewildered； elated； horrified mostly horrified to realize that all my wildest imaginings were not so far off the mark。 This was why it didn t matter to her that I was a monster。 It was exactly the same reason that the rules no longer mattered to me。 Why right and wrong were no longer pelling influences。 Why all my priorities had shifted one rung down to make room for this girl at the very top。 Bella cared for me； too。 I knew it could be nothing in parison to how I loved her。 But it was enough for her to risk her life to sit here with me。 To do so gladly。 Enough to cause her pain if I did the right thing and left her。 Was there anything I could do now that would not hurt her？ Anything at all？ I should have stayed away。 her nothing but pain。 I should never have e back to Forks。 From making it worse？ I would cause Would that stop me from staying now？ The way I felt right now； feeling her warmth against my skin No。 Nothing would stop me。 This is wrong。 Ah； I groaned to myself。
What did I say？ she asked； quick to take the blame on herself。 Don t you see； Bella？ It s one thing for me to make myself miserable； but a wholly other thing for you to be so involved。 I don t want to hear that you feel that way。 It was the truth； it was a lie。 The most selfish part of me was flying with the knowledge that she wanted me as I wanted her。 It s wrong。 It s not safe。 I m dangerous； Bella please； grasp that。 No。 Her lips pouted out petulantly。 I m serious。 I was battling with myself so strongly half desperate for her to accept； half desperate to keep the warnings from escaping that the words came through my teeth as a growl。 So am I； she insisted。 late。 I told you； it doesn t matter what you are。 It s too Too late？ The world was bleakly black and white for one endless second as I watched the shadows crawl across the sunny lawn toward Bella s sleeping form in my memory。 Inevitable； unstoppable。 They stole the color from her skin； and plunged her into darkness。 Too late？ Alice s vision swirled in my head； Bella s blood red eyes staring back at me impassively。 Expressionless but there was no way that she could not hate me for that future。 Hate me for stealing everything from her。 Stealing her life and her soul。 It could not be too late。 Never say that； I hissed。 She stared out her window； and her teeth bit into her lip again。 Her hands were balled into tight fists in her lap。 Her breathing hitched and broke。 What are you thinking？ I had to know。 She shook her head without looking at me。 crystal； on her cheek。 Agony。 Are you crying？ I saw something glisten； like a I d hurt her that much。 I d made her cry。 She scrubbed the tears away with the back of her hand。 No； she lied； her voice breaking。 Some long buried instinct had me reaching out toward her in that one second I felt more human than I ever had。 And then I remembered that I was not。 And I lowered my hand。 I m sorry； I said； my jaw locked。 How could I ever tell her how sorry I was？ Sorry for all the stupid mistakes I d made。 Sorry for my neverending selfishness。 Sorry that she was so unfortunate as to have inspired this first； tragic love of mine。 Sorry also for the things beyond my control that I d been the monster chosen by fate to end her life in the first place。 I took a deep breath ignoring my wretched reaction to the flavor in the car and tried to collect myself。
I wanted to change the subject； to think of something else。 Lucky for me； my curiosity about the girl was insatiable。 I always had a question。 Tell me something； I said。 Yes？ she asked huskily； tears still in her voice。 What were you thinking tonight； just before I came around the corner？ I couldn t understand your expression you didn t look that scared； you looked like you were concentrating very hard on something。 I remembered her face forcing myself to forget whose eyes I was looking through the look of determination there。 I was trying to remember how to incapacitate an attacker； she said； her voice more posed。 You know； self defense。 I was going to smash his nose into his brain。 Her posure did not last to the end of her explanation。 Her tone twisted until it seethed with hate。 This was no hyperbole； and her kittenish fury was not humorous now。 I could see her frail figure just silk over glass overshadowed by the meaty； heavyfisted human monsters who would have hurt her。 The fury boiled in the back of my head。 You were going to fight them？ I wanted to groan。 herself。 Didn t you think about running？ I fall down a lot when I run； she said sheepishly。 What about screaming for help？ I was getting to that part。 I shook my head in disbelief。 to Forks？ How had she managed to stay alive before she d e I m definitely fighting Her instincts were deadly to You were right； I told her； a sour edge to my voice。 fate trying to keep you alive。 She sighed； and glanced out the window。 Then she looked back at me。 Will I see you tomorrow？ she demanded abruptly。 As long as I was on my way to hell I might as well enjoy the journey。 Yes I have a paper due； too。 I smiled at her； and it felt good to do this。 I ll save you a seat at lunch。 Her heart fluttered； my dead heart suddenly felt warmer。 I stopped th